The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
