There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize