Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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