I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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