Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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