Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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