Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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