worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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