just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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