We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
