i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
