Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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