I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
