Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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