I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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