you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
