She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
