You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
