What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
pop tarts are not kleenex
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
