Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
