We're like a lot better than the average bears
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
