she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
