i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
