hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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