So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize