you guys were way drunker than both of me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
