I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
