So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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