And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
