16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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