Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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