so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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