don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
