I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can tuck mytits in my pants
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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