Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
