Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
