I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
