I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
