...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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