T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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