I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
