I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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