Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
