I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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