Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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