Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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