Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
don't judge my taste in strippers
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
