id be glad to
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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