I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
