Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
