A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
