Someone shit on the floor
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
