i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
