I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
