You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
