hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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