No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
