So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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