I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
