In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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