girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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