he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My dad just said "fuck circus"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
