three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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