I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
